Self-portrait No. 3: Reflection

This one is a photo I took of a reflection myself in a framed poster that hangs in my office.

The idea of being a reflection begs a question:

Where in our lives are we showing up whole and where are we showing up as mere reflections of ourselves? 

Reflection by Kirsten Malinee. Edited in Pixlrexpress, Mextures, CameraAwesome, and Snapseed.

Because my heart is elsewhere most of the time (family, theatre, art, home, writing), I know that I can give my job short-shrift by only showing up as a reflection of myself. By only doing what needs to be done and then moving on as quickly as I can to where I want to be. I'm talking about the tasks of my job - not the people I work with. This is one of the reasons I'll add some job/work goals to my planner this year. I've never done that before. Most of my goals have been external to my job.

This dichotomy between the "day job" a.k.a. "survival job" and "my life" was put in place a long long time ago when I dreamed of being a professional actress. In order to support my acting habit, I started temping in offices. I didn't know how to turn on a computer. I didn't know how to type. I could answer the phone and be nice to people and that was the totality of my skill set. But I learned - trial by fire.

Eventually - when I realized the acting jobs were far and few between, that they often required me being out of town for three months at a time, and that I couldn't afford the Equity health insurance - I settled into a full-time job with one of my temp placements. And twenty years later...I still think of my work as a "survival job". It's not. I have a career. A damn good one so I think it may be time to quit showing up as a reflection

(The paragraph above begs another question: Why are there so many underpaid, underemployed, under-insured performers and artists in our culture? Not only do we underpay them, we often expect them to share their art with us for free! And many of them, myself included, are willing to oblige because we want so badly to do the thing we love doing. This is not okay. And, yes, I know I should have tried longer and harder, but I didn't want to. I got worn down by it. I wanted an easier more secure life for myself so I made my choice - but why did I believe I had to choose? I still think the question is a valid one. Rant over! Phew!)

The poster in the pic is from an exhibit at The MU Museum of Art & Archaeology called "Rolando Estevez and the Genius of Vigia". 

Kirsten Malinee2 Comments